Don’t talk to yourself in such a way that if you did so to a friend, it would end your friendship.
If you had a friend dealing with the same things, you wouldn’t berate that person, say, ‘You’re not working hard enough,’ ‘You suck,’ or ‘You’re not as good as [whomever].’ You’d offer your friend encouragement, you’d try to point out all the things your friend did right, and how much progress your friend had made.
You should do no less for yourself.
Be very careful how you talk to yourself. Because you are listening.
A thought on bystanders: you say we should practice the small everyday things to be ready should we ever be called to that terrible moment of heroism. I agree. I think we need to practice it most in when knowing not to laugh. The inappropriate joke is the beginning of the bystander response. Practice explaining why it's not funny. Or even start by staying silent. Small steps.
This is a very useful addition to things I’ve written recently about heroism.
Identifying “the cruel joke” and not laughing along with it is an important first step; it’s clearly a recognition of the possibility of the suffering of others (whether on a small scale or not) and a decision not to contribute to it.
The next step moves beyond identification of the wrongness of the joke and the decision to stand apart from it; as you say, it’s “explaining why it’s not funny.”
It’s very rare indeed that I see someone explain to a stranger, or even a friend, why a joke is inappropriate or cruel … but when it happens — when someone says to someone else, “That’s not cool” or “Don’t say things like that” — it’s clearly a breaking down of bystander behavior.
We’re socialized to “let you down easy.” We’re not socialized to say a clear and direct “no.” We’re socialized to speak in hints and boost egos and let people save face. People who don’t respect the social contract (rapists, predators, assholes, pickup artists) are good at taking advantage of this. “No” is something we have to learn. “No” is something we have to earn. In fact, I’d argue that the ability to just say “no” to something, without further comment, apology, explanation, guilt, or thinking about it is one of the great rites of passage in growing up, and when you start saying it and saying it regularly the world often pushes back. And calls you names
Drink your tea slowly and reverently,
as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves; slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.
Thich Nhat Hanh (via nezua)
What I most regretted were my silences. Of what had I ever been afraid?
Audre Lorde. “The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action,” Sister Outsider. (via fatsmartandpretty)
The mistake — entirely on me. I simply assumed that since all the speakers were liberal Democrats, Republicans were excluded. So here’s the Tip of the Day: Always check out the facts before you make a definitive statement.
"The sadness will last forever" were Vincent van Gogh’s last words, according to his brother. (Self-Portrait, Spring 1887, Art Institute of Chicago. Wikimedia Commons)
Creativity linked to mental illness.
Artists and researchers are more disposed toward psychiatric disorders than the general population. Authors are the most vulnerable. Interesting Article , More at sciencenordic.com
This is depression’s Big Lie.